Spending patterns and 'money personalities' clarify money conflicts
By Gisele L. Microys, MD, Consulting Physician, PFSP and
Robin C. Robertson, MBA, Manager and Education Director, PFSP
It is timely, post-holiday season, to discuss money as most of us review our credit card statements in disbelief. If you are one of the few who never worries about money and always has enough of it, read no further. Perhaps you could pass this article to someone who may find it valuable. However, based on our experiences at PFSP, the vast majority of our clients have financial concerns of some variety.
Although money may not be the prime reason for seeking advice, money is often a significant contributor to life stress. Life balance is made up of physical, social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual and financial aspects.
Does thinking about money make you feel happy, joyous, nervous, anxious, fearful, jealous, angry, ashamed or nauseous? Do you feel like you are treading water, never getting ahead, despite persistent efforts to work hard? Do you feel in control of your finances or are you often short, taking from "Peter to pay Paul?" Take a moment and reflect on your answers to these questions.
US President George W. Bush has urged us, after the September 11 tragedy, to stimulate the economy by increasing spending. Does this not create a vicious cycle of buying, increasing our debt, working harder, spending less time in re-creation and feeling ever more drained? Don't we end up with more "stuff," especially after the holiday season, that we don't need, seldom use, ready for the next garage sale or forgotten in the basement storage room?
Also ponder: Does money mean love, survival, comfort, security, luxury, power or burden for you? Is more always better? Can you ever have enough? Would a $500,000 windfall really create permanent peace for you?
In their book, Your Money or Your Life,1 Dominguez and Robin depict the "fulfillment curve" indicating the relationship of the degree of fulfillment to the amount of money spent, i.e., luxuries acquired.
In their own lives (and this is likely true for most of us), they found that after a certain stage of satiety, the fulfillment curve headed downwards as if they hit a ceiling, a "peak enough," subsequent to which amassing more provides no further satisfaction.
The authors propose a simple, novel and brilliant idea. "Money is something we choose to trade our life energy for," encouraging us to calculate how much life energy (in hours) we currently trade for how much money (in dollars) we earn. This simple formula certainly strikes home when presented at our PFSP workshops. Suddenly, participants begin to view money and the energy they use to accumulate it in a very different light.
We encourage people to work backwards, beginning with a number which represents the dollars it would take to live comfortably for one year. This number would include basic living plus enough to re-create and to save for the future. Once this number is established, take an average hourly rate and divide it to find out how many annual hours this represents.
What will surprise you is that often the number of hours we work is greater than required to reach the figure. At this point we have options. If we love our work, and the hours are suitable, we can choose to continue on the same path. If, however, our work is not giving us the fulfillment we desire we can reduce the hours we work or look at other ways of changing the money/energy exchange.
Overlay on this energy/money exchange a useful concept of "money personalities" from Mellan in Money Harmony, Resolving Money Conflicts in Your life and Relationship.2 Which of these profiles fit you?
Hoarder: Likes to save money, has financial goals, sets priorities, makes budgets and tends to consider luxuries frivolous. Hoarders may be considered tight-fisted.
Spender: Enjoys using money and spends it freely on items that offer pleasure for self and others. Spenders may end up with financial problems such as overdrawn credit limits.
Binger: A combination of the hoarder and spender. May "blow" it all at once after a time of constraint, like a binge drinker. May also lead to serious debt problems.
Money Monk: Feels that "money is the root of all evil" and would immediately distribute any windfall coming his or her way, as this type of person has an uneasiness about wealth. Fears possibly being corrupted by money. Money monks may have a tendency to go overboard in restrictive ideas and avoid relating to wealthy people.
Money Avoider: Delays dealing with issues related to money to the last minute or is late altogether. Hate schedules or budgets and often feels overwhelmed. Delays doing tax returns and often forced to pay unnecessary fines.
Money Amasser: Most at ease when rich financially. Enjoys investing and feels powerful when having money. May worry excessively about investments and amassing wealth.
Money Worrier: Uses excessive energy worrying about finances regardless of the financial resources available.
Your beliefs and personality about money likely stems from your family background. You may have adopted or rejected your parents' attitudes and beliefs. You may have disliked your family's financial situation and rebelled against it or you carry your parents' fear in your current life. Two illustrations follow:
- Doris, a successful business woman, had a deep-seated fear of ending up a "bag lady." She came from an Eastern European background. Her father worked as a tailor and the family just made "ends meet." Only when she amassed $1 million in investments and real estate did her fears subside.
- Jim, from the time he was a small boy, was told by his mother to become a doctor. Doctors were "rich" and had an enviable lifestyle. Once a physician, Jim incurred significant debt to live the "doctor's lifestyle" his mother envied. He worried constantly about money and berated his spouse for her overspending habits.
Difficulties in relationships emerge when conflicting money personalities and belief systems join. If a hoarder marries a spender, they will have conflict about money and its use. If a monk marries an amasser, value conflicts will be inevitable. Some combinations complement each other, such as a hoarder and an avoider, but such a balance requires open, thorough discussion as well as role assignments regarding financial management. Relationships, both personal and business, can be greatly enhanced by becoming aware of our partner's values and personalities around money.
We can use our spending patterns and "money personalities" to help us clarify and perhaps change what is really important to us. Our material world reflects our values and beliefs.
Do we say we want to simplify while purchasing more and more? Do we say our children are the most important aspects of our lives yet we must work until after they are asleep each night? Are our material wants dictating the amount of energy we must exchange to support our lifestyle? By bringing these decisions into focus, we can choose our lifestyle rather than it choosing us.
As we have entered 2002, perhaps some reflection on our money management is in order. If you need help getting started, PFSP can offer resources and advice.
References:
- Your Money or Your Life, Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin, Penguin Books, 1992.
- Money Harmony, Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships, Olivia Mellan,
Walker and Company, 1994.
PFSP offers confidential, professional assessment and access to services for a broad range of personal and family problems.
1-877-SOS-4MDS (1-877-767-4637)
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- Reclaiming Equilibrium: "Recharge" and reflect on what's really important
· March 15-17, Diamond Buffalo Guest Ranch, near Sundre
- Family Retreat: Enjoy a family weekend making memories
· May 3-5, Rafter Six Guest Ranch, Morley
- Couples Retreat: Nurture your relationship
· Date to be confirmed soon. Call to be placed on the pre-registration list.
Contact Robin C. Robertson, PFSP Manager and Education Director, by telephone (403) 850-1809 or email robin.robertson@albertadoctors. org.